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How to Silence Your Inner Critic (For Good!)

Download this free video training to finally transform that voice and reclaim your power.

 

 

Nikol
at that crossroads moment, at that moment of loss, there is such a fertile moment of growth, you know, it's like the lotus only blooms in the mud.

 

William
Welcome to another episode of We love entrepreneurship and I'm excited, I have Nicole here with me today Nikol, why don't you say hello to the community and tell them a little bit about your coaching business?

 

Nikol
Thank you first of all so much for having me on your podcast. Hello to your amazing listeners and my name is Nicole Rogers, I'm an empowerment transformation coach and I help influencers, speakers, artists and public figures to create the impact that they desire and change the world through a powerful presence.  So what is a powerful presence? Well, it's not just my signature program, but it really is the core of the work that I do, which is helping my clients to reframe how they think act and feel from a place of power rather than from fear, A limiting belief. So they end up with what I call a fearless toolbox that allows them to really create a life that they love waking up to.

 

William
I love that uh in the work that you're doing just before we go there, because I want to dig into some of that that you said, I want to start off talking a little bit about your journey into entrepreneurship. So, Nicole before, you know, you had this amazing coaching business, what were you doing before you got here? What was life like before you started this coaching business?

 

Nikol
Yes, I have quite a journey to entrepreneurship for sure, and I have to say, and I imagine a lot of your listeners feel the same way that when they found entrepreneurship and I know you've shared this with your listeners and with me to that there was kind of like a home, you know, that maybe they were searching for other things and confused why they were frustrated in other careers or not getting the results or the fulfillment they wanted.  And it was the biggest surprise to me that entrepreneurship was the answer. You know, if somebody had said that before, I went through everything, I probably have been like, but uh my journey, okay, so I'll try and give the short-short version.

 

Nikol
So my first career was as a musical theater performer and choreographer and I performed on stages all over and I really was doing great in my career, except the whole reason that I came to new york city was to be on broadway and it was becoming like a joke.

 

Nikol
It was like, I was literally doing everything, but so national tours, New York City Rocket commercials, short films, all this stuff and I couldn't seem to achieve the whole reason I was there. And so what was happening for me was I had a very loud inner critic and from dealing with so much rejection, I just, I had no self trust. Um a lot of doubt and deeply frustrated. And so after being in the business for mm 19 years, 18, 19 years. My whole life fell apart.  In one year's time, I lost a 15 year marriage, my home, I was in two car accidents and I was robbed twice. Mm And pretty much everything that I knew of my life. It was like, it went up in a giant bonfire. This was 2013 and I always call it my year of the flame. And so what happened in the face of losing so much was I decided to ask for help and it was the first time I had done that. I had thought that um, I would be weak if I asked for help.

 

Nikol
Like I always was disciplined and driven. I was raised in a military family, you know, like I can figure it out. And here it was like, it was a real crisis moment of recognizing that everything I built up in my life to this point actually wasn't serving what I wanted moving forward. Mm So in asking for help, I started seeking and I had this voice that came up in my head that said, you need meditation and I remember thinking that's probably a good idea, you know, like everything's falling apart.

 

Nikol
And I started seeking out different types of meditation and I went to this healing circle was at the Shambala Center down in Chelsea in Chelsea, New York. And I've never been to a support group before, I was terrified or I even belong here, you know, they're passing around the mic and I'm like, oh my God. And it came to me and I decided to do something I'd never done before publicly. Which was be vulnerable and honest. And so I just poured out my heart and I said, here's what I'm going through in my life.

 

Nikol
And I found that people came closer and then the people after me then it seemed to open up something in them to share as well. And it was just this radical moment of going, oh my God, I've been wrong. Like all these years as a performer, I had thought that if I showed up vulnerably I would be rejected. And yet here I was finding the exact opposite that it was like my vulnerability and my honesty was actually creating a safe space for others to do the same.

 

Nikol
And so that I didn't know it at the time, but that experience was really the seed of powerful presence of the work that I do. And so I went through this awful year, you know, I didn't work much in my profession obviously, because I was losing so much, and I came into 2014 and I had this feeling of possibility, And at the time I was 38 And I didn't know what does it mean as a woman to create my own life, I got married at 22, you know, I've gone from my parents home to college to a marriage, you know, there was no, like, who am I? And what does this mean? So, I got on the phone with a coach, a life coach, and she asked me, what do you want? And I shared my dream with her and she said, you know, that's possible, right? And I just started bawling because it was just that she believed in me and I was like, I don't know what I'm doing, you know? And so I started working with her and she was brilliant because she got me back in touch with a childhood love which was writing.

 

Nikol
So as an adult, I put all of my energy into these other forms of artistry that I thought were going to make me money, but the writing was always something that I loved, but I kind of put it away, you know? So she got me back in touch with the passions and the things that really like my fire and I start a blog. Meanwhile, I have a complete resurgence in my performance career, And this is after 19 years in the business.  Directors and choreographers that had never paid attention to me are suddenly going Nicole and it wasn't just that it was that I felt fearless, I felt like I could make mistakes.  You know, it's kind of perfection was going out the window and I was doing my best work and I was like, okay, whoa, none of this was taught by any of my teachers in any of my classes and yet this is what is actually creating the deepest connection and the best relationships and allowing me to really stand powerfully in front of my audience. So my coach was like, okay, now you need to monetize the blog and I'm like, what does that mean? I don't know, you know, it's like doing a production, Little Mermaid at the time.

 

Nikol
And so she took me through an exploratory process and at the end of it I said, oh my gosh, I can't believe this, but I want to do what you're doing, but I want to teach about this powerful presence. So I didn't want to just, you know, like hang up a sign and be like, I'm a coach, I was like, nope, Like I want skills, I want to make sure that because I really see it as a sacred space between me and the client, you know? And so I got fully certified with ICF And hired a business coach and in 2015, opened up the doors to my business and became an entrepreneur.

 

Nikol
It was like, wow, I thought it was gonna be being a choreographer or being a performer, so, like, and, and it wasn't, it was entrepreneurship, it was creating my own company. That was actually what brought all of me under an umbrella to be able to really feel whole and fulfilled and I think I feel do the work that I was meant to do, but thank goodness for all of those things that led me to that point. But yeah, what a windy pack, right?

 

William
No, it's an amazing right, because it's a journey and I think that's what a lot of people actually miss, It's not a straight and narrow path. It is this journey that you go down and you're discovering and I love what you said, and I want to go back to it for a second, you said, because I think a lot of entrepreneurs has a problem with this. You say you asked for help? Yeah. Yes. Help. What do you say for that entrepreneur that's out there? That's that's struggling right now, because guess what? They're probably not acting for help? Nicole, how can you encourage them?

 

Nikol
You know, and I get this because I really, I really did view it as a weakness and you know, I spent some really loving time in therapy and working with wonderful people, you know, with my zen teachers that gave me tools around my mind to recognize what, where is this coming from?

 

Nikol
Who taught this to me, right? I wasn't born with this, this is what was brought on. So allowing myself to understand where it came from, I think allowed me to dismantle it, It wasn't so fixed and feeling like, you know, this is who I am, like, wait a minute, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So, you know, I I don't wish my experience on anybody, but I had a like on my knees sort of moment where thank goodness, it just was like, wow, literally, it doesn't work for me to not ask for help, because the truth is that in my first marriage, things were not great for about four years prior to him coming to me and saying, I don't think I want to be married anymore.

 

Nikol
It wasn't while in the moment it felt awful and horrible and like, you know, the earth had opened up and swallowed me whole when I really took time in a safe space with people that could help me that we're going to affirm my life. So they're really there to help me. They're not there to tell me I'm wrong, they're not there to tell me I'm broken, but they're there to actually open me up to understand better who I am, that I went, oh, this was coming, this was coming, and I was so scared to accept it.

 

Nikol
And I think too, and I'm sure a lot of entrepreneurs can relate to this is there's that, well, I can handle it, like I can control this, and so, you know me going, I can't handle this and I have no control, you know, just opened up the option that I had not taken, which was to ask for help. And you know, they say that when the student is ready the teacher appears and so when I came to that point of asking for help, the people that came into my life, you are amazing people, you know, they weren't people that were taking advantage or um suppressing me or saying you should do this or you should do that.

 

Nikol
They really were like the energy around it. I feel like I was just ready, you know, so I feel like it has to always begin with some just self compassion, like it's okay, like it's OK.

 

William
I love that, I love that. I love your journey since you're here, What's going well for you? What are you celebrating into business now?

 

Nikol
Well, this is actually very exciting and you're the first person that I'm talking to about, wow!

 

William
Yes, you heard it first!

 

Nikol
I started writing my book last week and it's about 2013, but I have had it in me and I have known that I was going to write this book for eight years and you know, it's it's like, okay, there is this person, there were all these elements for building my business that needed to happen first.  Like, in truth, you know, like understanding what I had to offer, creating a client base, creating groups, creating different offerings. Like, there were a lot of things that I needed to do that were foundational to my business. And so the book just kept getting pushed and pushed and pushed. But I always knew in my heart because you know, it's like, this is why that coach was so brilliant. Getting me back to this. Is that I love to write. That is just a place of joy for me.

 

Nikol
So, that has been expressed in my blog over these last years. But now that energy is being put into creating this book that I know is going to help so many people that have found themselves in these just life-altering situations. And how do I use this to create the life I want moving forward.

 

William
Love that. Love that. Is there a title yet to this book or still in the works?

 

Nikol
Oh well the title will be 13. Mm Because if you think about it, How Many Cultures? Say 13 is an unlucky number.

 

Nikol
And yet in many cultures, 13 is actually a deeply sacred number.  So it's it's kind of you know, we can very easily say, well this was horrible. But there's always like what is there for you? Because it at that crossroads moment at that moment of loss there is such a fertile moment of growth. You know, it's like the lotus only blooms in the mud.  It's like what comes out of that? It's like I went to volcano national Park in Hawaii and I was just shocked to see all of these plants growing out of the ash.

 

Nikol
It's like remember remembering that.

 

William
So love that. Love that. Love that 13. Love it. You know one of the things that I truly believe that business growth always starts with personal growth. And I'm curious about what's your personal development plan, What do you do as far as in your routine that you can actually share that someone says, Hey Nicole does this and this is a nugget that I can actually put into my life to begin to grow personally.

 

Nikol
Oh wow, I love this question, Well I will first share what I do and then let me give something simple that your audience can, can use. So um I'm a meditator, you know, when I started seeking, I ended up finding zen meditation zen Buddhism and it was just yes in my whole body, you know, it was just, this is my practice, I just knew it and um so I meditate every day and then something that has been new for me in the last year and a half that has been completely transforming the life is Chi Gong. So is a lot of people are familiar with tai chi, but she gang is all movements are healing.  So literally every single movement is connected to um an organ or system in the body or helping to alleviate a symptom or something like that, and it's miraculous, it's amazing. So as far as something that your audience can do, I'm really big on people finding ways to come back into their body. So the world that we have now like to put us all up in our head, right, like, oh my God, it's got five minutes and this is happening and like all this stuff and sometimes we're not even in our head were literally like, you know, up on the ceiling, just kind of spinning.

 

Nikol
So, you know, my my tagline is who you are is your greatest power, but in order to access what I call an unstoppable confidence, you need to come back into your body. So that means having some way that you can, in a challenging situation in a tense situation, just kind of come back in.  So that can be as simple as just kind of touching a hand to your body. You know. Whether it is the heart is a great place because the heart is, like, everything right? It's pumping all the blood through your body, or it could be the belly, you know, but it's just kind of a moment, there could be just as quick moment of just kind of touching, or if there was like, a pain somewhere, it could be just placing a hand on perhaps where you're having that pain and then it really is a simple as whatever was going on to bring all of your attention to your breath.

 

Nikol
And that can happen just with three breaths. So, you know, like, a hand on the heart, and just as simple as placing your attention on breathing in, and you can even feel the air coming in through your nostrils, and then you can just release it out the mouth, breathe it into the nostrils. Oh And one more time. Oh so this does like so many things at once, one It brings you to the present moment as opposed to probably what you were doing was in the future. And we just don't know the future.

 

Nikol
So it brings you back to the present moment. It brings you back into your body. Because the simple act of just touching yourself is like oh right, uh huh I'm here and then just like feeling the breath through the nostrils, there's that sensation. So it's like you're bringing your senses back online and it's disengaging all of the insanity that was going on before that had you somewhere else.

 

William
Love that. Thank you. Thank you so much for actually sharing that and what you do. I want to go back to what you said the every beginning and you begin to talk about on your journey, this inner critic, right?  What do you feel about this inner critic and how are other entrepreneurs or just people in general, impacted by this inner critic?

 

Nikol
Yeah, so, I mean, I think it's great to just start off by saying like, what the heck is the inner critic? Right? Great places. What is the inner critic? And you know, the inner critic is kind of that mix of your parents and society and culture, like it's a whole mishmash of things that basically are just kind of bringing you down in the moment. You know, the critic seems to come up at the most inopportune moments maybe when you're about to give a talk or a presentation or you know, you're wanting to have a really important conversation or do something that you're so excited about.  And the critic is just there, say going there on the loop, saying no, no, no, no, you don't. You don't get to. And so I I want to start with that because it kind of helps for people to go, all right, I know that voice, that voice that comes in is telling me I can't when I really want to.

 

William
Right, right. I want to but something keeps telling me, no, you can't do that. You're not worthy of doing that. This is not for you. It's for other people. Yeah.

 

Nikol
Mm. What was the second part of your question?

 

William
I'm sorry. So, no. So, great. So, so that's it. What do you feel? How do people break through that?

 

Nikol
Yeah. So, I actually have a little gift for your audience. And it's called inner critic training to help you to break through that voice and reclaim your power. Like finally reclaim your power back. And so what I do in this training, it's a 20-minute video and I take the person through a simple process to first connect to their inner critic because the thing is you have to no, it's like you got to open up the closet or look under the rug like you need to be able to understand what's there.

 

Nikol
And then I take you through the process to actually transform it. So this is something that I think is really important and that I say all the time to my clients, is that the way is always through. So again, there's a lot of messages out there that say that you will transcend or you know, just distract yourself. Just don't think about it. But like you can't say that to somebody that literally has a loop going on in their head. You know that's not going to be helpful to them.

 

Nikol
So what is helpful is allowing a person to face critic and then transform it. Because what that does when you can transform that voice is it starts to build a self trust that you actually have everything you need within you. Mm It's not outside of you, It's not from someone giving you permission and someone else going that's it. I got rid of your inner critic, right? You get rid of your inner critic but you do it by transforming the voice. And so this process really helps you to understand what the inner critic is actually there for. And it's not what you think. So when you're able to tap into that then the voice transforms and then you have agency instead of being stuck and feel like you're not enough. You know start to realize. Wait I do have the tool to do what I want.

 

William
Mm I love that you said is not what you think. Are they going to find out when they take the course? Okay. So they go and actually take watch the video in order to find out what it really is.

 

Nikol
It's and I went through the same thing. This was like part of my transformation I went through and it was something that I started teaching my early clients and they were like oh my God you know. And so it's something that I've taught so many of my clients and I constantly just see people go wait it's transformed like what was you know fangs and claws and a monster and all of this stuff it transit literally transforms in front of their eyes. And so it just helps with the perspective and because the process is one that is an embodied practice, you know, it's using the mind and the body, then it becomes something that you can draw upon each time so that no matter when your critic arises, you have a very simple process to go through to transform it in the moment.

 

William
I love that. So Nicole, how do they get this? Because they want to know hey how they get rid of this in a critic, Right? And I think you know just thinking about it, I think it's a growth process because sometimes and a critic just comes up just was here just wanted for me, Nicole. So how do they how do they get access to this?

 

William
Yeah, so I'm imagining on your page maybe there's a link, a live link that they should get that. Okay, so that they'll click on the live link. So what you want to basically do is click on the live link to get access to the inner critic, is that what it's called?

 

Nikol
Yeah, so you'll be taken to a page, you just enter in your name and your email and you'll see there's me, they're saying come on and transform your inner critic and then the training will go directly into your inbox. That's simple.

 

William
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. That is great. So Nicole question for you as we begin to close out and wrap up here, if there's another entrepreneur that's on the sideline, any advice or any valuable piece of information that you would like to share with them?

 

Nikol
Well, because of where we are right now. Yeah. Um, I feel like two things are really important now more than ever, you know, there you always hear the sort of like you need to adapt and all that and but I think that it's the right support, I think this is a time to really make sure that you have the right support. I have a coach as long as I have a business, I will always have a coach because you know, she's already been where I am and but the other thing is that I trust her implicitly, I've been working with her for three years and she knows me and my business and my intentions, but she also has all of that amazing experience.  So I'm very clear that she is the right support for me that even during difficult times, you know, if revenue is changing or suddenly you're going, oh my gosh, I want to make this change, I don't know how or I want to expand, I want to create a team, I don't know how that having the right support is critical. And so that means that it really is someone that wants you to win, right? They show up to celebrate you, you know what they are bringing forward uh the strategies and the growth advice that it really is for you to win.

 

Nikol
And we all know when somebody isn't in that place like we've all felt that when we're like, God, I feel like I'm being talked down to. So I think that that would probably be the most important thing is that you have the right support during this time, because it is a vulnerable time. It is a time where we are having to make changes as entrepreneurs were being tested a lot. And then the other thing is community, which I make part of the support, but I think that it's really I mean I was just having a conversation with two very close friends that are also entrepreneurs and it's just so helpful to hear what they're working on right now.

 

Nikol
You know, during this time that is asking so much of us to just kind of reflect and pause. So the right support and again, community and both of those tied by they want to see you win right they're team members, they care about you.

 

William
Yes, yes. I love that community and the right support, like being around people who want you to knock it out the park, right? It's willing to cheer you on and is willing to be there just to listen when you know you miss it, right?

 

Nikol
Yeah, because we're gonna miss it, it's gonna happen.

 

William
I know I'm gonna miss him, Nicole, but I don't need someone to kind of when I miss it, go ranting about how I missed it, right?

 

Nikol
Like the worst thing possible to do in that moment.

 

William
Right. Right. Absolutely. This was wonderful. Cold last question here. Uh, the name of the podcast is we love entrepreneurship. What do you love about entrepreneurship?

 

Nikol
I feel like this, that's a great question. Will I feel like this goes back to that moment of recognizing wow I can be fully expressed as myself through this, you know? Whereas as a musical theater performer, I got put in a box a lot, especially as a woman and when I became an entrepreneur, it really felt like I can create the platform I desire and I can offer the things that are the full expression of me. And so it ended up, yeah, I would say that's what I love about entrepreneur and I get so excited with my clients when they find that for themselves. You know, when they go wait, I don't have to be what others say I have to be, I don't have to fit into a box.  I'm like no, you create it right, and then you build that beautiful audience and the support team around you that is just as excited about this as you are and trust me, you will find them when you are energetically like doing what you want to be doing.

 

William
Love that. Love that Nicole, Nicole Rogers, thank you so much for your time. Thank you for so sharing so much and thank you for the free gift.

 

Nikol
Yeah, my pleasure. Thank you so much for letting me offer it.

 

William
Yes, yes, yes. All right, Nicole, we will stay in contact and I will see you soon. Thank you so much for the opportunity.